Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
