uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
