I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
