i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
