Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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