we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
