Umm I'm too high to move.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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