So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
