If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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