Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Say something about gay babies.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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