Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
