so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So much Jack, so little girl.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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