I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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