i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
