That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
