I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
