Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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