At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pants are for mortals
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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