The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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