if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
