Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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