found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
