Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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