Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
