i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
