to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
two words...techno handjob
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
