just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
