once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
