Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
