i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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