dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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