Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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