Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
