Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
