Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
