so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
