I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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