hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
should my penis look like a turkey
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
