I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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