My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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