The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
