and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
