just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
