Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
