Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
