a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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