I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
