i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
