Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Houston, we have a blender
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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