I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
