All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
