I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
