i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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